9. Defecate in Boston

Living in Boston was a little surreal. I had a bike that I took to the T, and from there I could get anywhere. There was so much to see, so many people. I felt the freedom of not worrying about who I was going to run into when I went into town. No more unexpected run-ins with extended family members telling me I should reach out to my dad more. No one at the bar asking me if I’m related to “the construction O'Callahan's”. 

I worked for an organization called “Americorps”, and they put us up in a hotel for orientation. I quickly made some friends who were also living in Boston. I remember telling my mom on the phone “I finally found my people”. These were all people who wanted to make the world a better place and didn’t mind living off a meager income. We all bonded over not knowing anyone else, and feeling excited about living in a new city. 

In the hotel there were lots of people drinking and partying. I thought this was so strange. We’re here on a work trip, I thought. Why are people partying like we're in college? I think people reverted back to how they bonded in college. That’s sort of how the orientation felt; an extension of college. For the first time I felt grateful I was outside of that “go to” behavior, and was more of an observer. I didn’t over drink and say something embarrassing, or was hung over the next day for work obligations. 

Anyway my friends and I kept in touch. Not knowing each other beforehand, we all lived separately and met up for a night out drinking, talking about our jobs and exploring the city. I felt a little like this situation was too good to be true. I was constantly worried I’d fuck something up and fall through the cracks socially. I wasn’t the first invited or the most popular one in our group of about 10 friends or so, but I still felt the closeness and inclusion. 

My living situation was interesting. There were four bedrooms, and four people living in our second floor apartment 10 minutes walking distance from Harvard Square. I moved in early and subletted from the person who lived in my room before the next lease started. Over the summer, before Mark and Amber moved in, a girl named Shirley lived there. Shirley came from a hard life. She didn’t have parents, definitely had an eating disorder, and used her looks to get ahead in life. Shirley told me a little about her experience growing up in the foster care system. She also told me about dating men much older than her who she met at work. She told me about their promises to pay for everything she needs, pay off her debt, and that she didn’t have to worry about working. I tried to weigh supporting her decisions and feeling wary about supporting something that would end up with her in a worse place than she started. All in all, I felt for Shirley. Thinking about it now, it seems a bit like pity. I don’t think it’s exactly like that. It’s more like I wanted to scoop her up and give her everything I had growing up.

Living with Amber was just how I thought it would be. When Amber moved in she took one look at Shirley and told me how disgusting she thought her fake tits were and how idiotic she thought she was. Oh boy, I thought. Amber had a right to feel uncomfortable about Shirley’s flaws, but it was like she had no insight into who Shirley was as a person and had blinders on that identified Shirley as “bad”. It didn’t matter that much, because Eddie and Mark moved in shortly and Shirley moved out.

Eddie and Mark knew each other previously and were friends. I forget how they were connected. Amber told me Eddie reached out to her on a facebook group in their college and was the one who asked her if she needed a place to live. This was a red flag for me. He clearly was looking for attractive girls to live with, liked what he saw on her facebook profile so offered her a place. Maybe it didn’t happen like that, and he was just trying to do a nice thing by offering someone in need a place to live, but I doubt it. Amber joked about being sketched out at first and telling her friends where she was going before meeting him, but it all worked out okay in the end. 

Both Shirley and Amber’s situations highlight one of the tricky things about being a young woman. We learn that being attractive and having sex appeal is where you get power and opportunities. Also, we learn that you need to be attractive and have sex appeal to get your basic needs met and have any value as a human. I think about Eddie’s quick glance at my legs, and how much harder it would have been for me to find a place to live if he didn’t like what he saw. However, we’re often told that we're sluts when we use these things. It's clear to me that if Eddie gave the rooms in the apartment to attractive women. Instead of society looking at that behavior as gross, women are labeled as greedy sluts using their good looks against men. It can create an unbalanced power dynamic. I felt unease and wondered if Eddie expected anything in return for offering a place to live. Fortunately for Amber and I that was not the case and Eddie genuinely was a nice person, but it doesn’t always work out that way. 

Also fresh out of college, Amber was quick to reflect that she missed and loved college. She loved having her sorority sisters around her and the ease it took to find a party any day of the night. Living with Amber reminded me a lot of living with Elle and Annie. Amber told us about begging her mom to pay for a higher car insurance so she could have it in the city. I had been paying my car insurance since I was in high school, and the thought of not needing a car or paying for it was liberating to me; And here Amber was with a car and also not needing to pay for it, our dynamics hadn’t changed since high school. At this point I learned to accept that I was an anomaly when it came to finances and my peer group, and to expect that other people’s parents pay for things like this, while mine don’t. She didn’t work because she was in law school, but living in an apartment building and cooking for herself was enough of a wake up call to know that the “real world” wasn’t as fun as the past four years were for her.

Amber was very conventionally attractive. Eddie, however, was not. Eddie didn’t do a great job covering up his infatuation with Amber. Every request she made he made it happen. She suggested painting the kitchen bright red, he reached out to the landlord and made sure it could happen. She told me her and her friends used his notes (Eddie was one year above her in the same law school) to study for midterms. Eddie took Amber to Bruins hockey games, and listened to her talk about her boy troubles. Amber friend zoned him, and he became the best friend he could possibly be.

When we first moved in Amber told me a story about her and her sorority sisters peeing on a girl’s rug in their dorm because she didn’t like her. “Isn’t that a bit of a big reaction?” I asked. “She was a dumb bitch” was her response. She looked at me like ”obviously”. I was terrified. I was extremely cautious not to do anything that would piss off Amber. She told me this story thinking she was cool, it seemed to me she wasn’t trying to scare me but thought I would find it funny. I was so thankful I somehow was on this person’s good side. I had no idea how. In the past I was on all of my other roommates' bad sides. I treaded carefully.

Amber also liked to brag about the time she tried putting a vodka soaked tampon up her butt. Amber was one of the people who swore by this trend. "It get's you fucked up". She said to me when I gave her a judgmental/worried look when she was bragging about doing it with her friends in the past. I remember hearing about this trend at the time and thinking I get drunk just fine drinking the alcohol, why would I need to shove a tampon up my ass? I also think my bad experiences with tampons also put me off to this trick, but who knows.

Amber had it out for Mark. Mark had a slightly annoying voice, and was awkward to be around. I did agree with her that he was annoying, but she would let nothing go. Eventually his towel took up too much room in the bathroom, his shampoo bottle was the wrong shape and was splashing water everywhere, he breathed too loudly. He couldn’t walk through the living room or go in the kitchen without getting a snide comment or death stare from Amber. I admit I wasn’t helpful, I said what little I needed to to not fuel the fire but also not turn her towards coming after me. Eddie did nothing. Eddie said he saw Amber’s point of view and took her side on everything. Mark told me about how hurt he was by all of this; he didn’t understand how Eddie “let a towel end their friendship”. I was flabbergasted that he never said the obvious: that Eddie either was in love with or wanted to fuck Amber so badly he blinded himself to logic and her universe became his reality. I never said anything to Mark about my perspective because I was afraid it would get back to Eddie and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, or upset Amber in any way.

“We should like, take a shit on his bed”, Amber told me, laughing. Immediately a weight sunk in my stomach. I knew she wasn’t joking. How do I handle this, I thought. Shit. I said something stupid like “that’s not sanitary” or something. I think I said I had to go, but I forget how I got out of this conversation. I did not end up shitting in Mark’s bed. As far as I know she didn’t either. Thank fucking god.

Amber even decided to get a dog without talking to Mark or I. Her and Eddie decided they would be great dog parents at the ages of 22 and 23, and didn’t care what their roommates thought of having a dog in the apartment. Mark texted me “I think they’re getting a dog….” “no way, who would just get a dog without talking to their roommates first?” I text back.

They got the dog. I wanted zero skin in this game. I told them with my commute and the amount I went out on the weekends I couldn’t commit to helping take care of a dog. They laughed at me. “Oh yeah we’re definitely partying like we’re still in college”. I thought this take was strange, because they went out drinking and did way more drugs than I did. The dog lasted one week before they sold it to someone. During that week Amber and Eddie would fight over who needs to come home to let it out when a social opportunity came up. Eddie did most of the work. He did some training, fed it and let it out most of the time. I ended up walking him a couple of times. He was a chihuahua and cuddled and was very cute. They gave up the dog after one week. It was hard for me to watch a dog they rescued be given up one week after finding it's "forever home", and be sold to people we didn't know.

I eventually moved out because I was terrified of Amber and sick of this roommate dynamic. I told them it was because of my long commute. I was able to find a sublet, but she only stayed for a week and left after she found out Amber and Eddie did drugs. It was a nightmare asking them to meet potential roommates. “I just can’t commit to a meeting because I don’t know where I’ll be” they’d both say about 9pm on a Sunday night. Eventually I found another sublet who got along great with Amber and Eddie. 

According to Mark the dynamic got worse. My friend from elementary school who was friends with Amber told me she visited them and couldn’t stand it. I felt bad for Mark but I felt like I needed to make changes. I look back on my living situation with Elle and think I made the wrong choice by not moving out. I thought I could make it better, or that I didn’t need to be the one to move out. This time I wouldn’t let principles get in the way of my happiness. I moved in with some friends I met during orientation in Haverhill, Mass, about an hour via train away from downtown Boston.

A few years went by and Eddie texted me saying he and Amber had a huge falling out and she "acted like a 14 year old and has no friends". I didn't ask him for details or about his role in terrorizing Mark, but I again felt the validation I wasn't seeing something that wasn't there, or only looking at the negative. I also felt bad for Amber in a way, now that I had distance from her.